Lena used to enjoy Sunday dinners. Recently, though, they made her feel anxious. Her sister brought a new problem each week, her dad complained about the news, and her mom was tense. Lena drove home with a tight chest, even though she barely spoke all evening.
She wasn’t worried about anything specific. She just felt… anxious.
Over time, Lena realized that the tension she felt wasn’t hers. It came from everyone else around her, and she was soaking it up.
This can happen to anyone; it’s called second-hand anxiety. Once you recognize it, you can learn to let it go. You don’t have to cut people out of your life. You just need to stay calm, no matter how chaotic others may be.
Table of Contents
What Is Second-Hand Anxiety?
Second-hand anxiety is when you start feeling anxious just by being around someone who’s already stressed, even if nothing is wrong in your own life. It’s not a formal diagnosis, but it’s a real and researched experience. In a recent study, 26% of participants reported feeling stressed when watching someone else go through a stressful situation.
If your partner is stressed, your friend is overwhelmed, or a coworker is panicking, you may start feeling jittery, uneasy, or tense as well.
This feeling of anxiety can come from empathy, your brain’s mirror neurons, or being in a tense environment. It is sometimes called vicarious anxiety or empathetic stress. Regardless of the name, it can be exhausting.
Is Anxiety Contagious?
Yes, in a way, anxiety can be contagious, especially in close relationships. Research shows that stress and anxiety spread through subtle cues like tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. You may not even notice it’s happening until your heart races or your jaw clenches.
This is especially common if you’re a deeply empathetic person or living with someone who is highly stressed. You might ask, “Why does one person cause me anxiety?” or “Why do I get stressed when someone else is stressed?” The answer often lies in your brain’s wiring. Mirror neurons are designed to reflect the emotions you observe in others. It’s part of being human, but it can overwhelm you if you’re not careful.
Symptoms Of Second-Hand Anxiety
Second-hand stress symptoms aren’t always obvious, but here are some signs to watch for:
Physical: Headaches, fatigue, tight shoulders, stomach discomfort
Emotional: Feeling on edge, overwhelmed, sad, or drained
Mental: Racing thoughts, difficulty focusing, or feeling pessimistic
Behavioral: Avoiding certain people, snapping easily, or withdrawing
Sleep changes: Trouble falling asleep or waking up anxious
If you often wonder, “Why does other people’s anxiety give me anxiety?” or “Can being around someone with anxiety give you anxiety?” These symptoms are your body’s way of saying “yes.”
How To Cope With Or Stop Second-Hand Anxiety
You can’t control other people’s emotions, but you can control how much of it you let in. Here’s how to stop second-hand anxiety before it takes over:
Recognize The Source: Before blaming yourself, ask: “Is this actually my stress?” Often, just realizing the anxiety is someone else’s can give you emotional distance.
Set Clear Boundaries: Especially if you feel second-hand stress from a partner or family, learn to set limits. It’s okay to say, “I want to support you, but I need a moment to regroup.”
Practice Mental Filtering: When someone unloads their stress on you, remind yourself: “This isn’t my emergency.” Being calm can actually help them more than mirroring their panic.
Ground Yourself: Do a quick breathing exercise, go outside, or listen to calming music. Reconnect to your body, not theirs.
Limit Exposure: If someone constantly causes you stress, ask: “Why does this person’s energy drain me?” That awareness can help you take steps to protect your peace, even if that means taking a step back.
Spread the Calm: Just like anxiety can be contagious, so can peace. Try being the grounded presence in the room. Smile. Listen. Breathe. Others might match your energy.
Still, if you feel that it is not possible for you to deal with this stress, then you can opt for alternative therapies for your mental well-being.
Final Words
Second-hand anxiety can sneak into your life quietly. One moment you’re calm, the next you’re carrying stress that doesn’t belong to you. But once you learn to spot it and gently return it to its rightful owner, you reclaim your mental space.
Remember Lena? Once she stopped taking on everyone’s emotional problems, her Sunday dinners became easier. They weren’t perfect, but they felt lighter. You can achieve the same by staying grounded when emotions run high, instead of pushing others away
FAQs
- What is it called when someone else’s anxiety gives you anxiety?
It’s called second-hand anxiety or empathetic stress. It happens when you absorb anxiety through emotional closeness or observation.
- Can someone else’s anxiety trigger your anxiety?
Yes. Especially if you’re empathetic or have a history of anxiety yourself, someone else’s stress can easily spark your own.
- How to deal with family members who stress you out?
Set healthy emotional boundaries, take breaks when needed, and don’t feel guilty for protecting your mental peace. You can care without carrying it all.
- Why do I get stressed when someone else is stressed?
Because your brain naturally mirrors others’ emotions through something called mirror neurons. It’s your empathy at work, but it needs limits.
